freely spinning in the dark...

i've had several encounters with my companion spirits - last night i had another one.  this is a journal entry from a personal, more private weblog i keep that's connected to another social networking site, but i wanted to share it here because what happened was important and intense. I'm currently working on a book project, a series of essays and vignettes, and the first draft is scheduled to be complete at the end of April. More than likely an edited version of this recount will appear in it as it follows the subject matter.

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so i hijacked a friend and we drove off to the coast [of Oregon] and it was beautiful. by the time we hit tillamook we were in a blizzard. after we drove out of it we pulled over, went for a short walk and followed a trail of elk tracks and poop in the snow, and then the sun came out and then it hailed some, and then we hit the ocean for a while and ate a bunch of seafood and walked down to the shore. i dropped my camera in the ocean. it may or may not be okay. i might have to buy a new one (i use it to generate income, too). on the bright side, i do not have to buy a new car or a new friend or a new life. i'm alive, even though there was a brief moment earlier tonight when i thought i might not be that way much longer...

we'd started driving back east to portland on 26 when i hit a patch of black ice and all of a sudden i'm flying through the air just thinking "oh fuck i hope i don't kill my friend god i hope we don't hit a tree uh oh insurance i might be about to feel a lot of pain shit is this it?"

then i'm offered a split second, the same instant, to redeem myself - my life flashes before me and it's amazing, how amazing my now is right now. everything has led to this moment and it's happening as it should, and now i am freefalling.

we come to an abrupt stop in a pile of snow on the other side of the road, facing the other direction. it's up to my knees when i step out, up to the tops of the wheel wells in back and in a slight ditch, but we are fine, uninjured, and the truck's still running. it won't budge from its position but we haven't hit anything and there is no damage. we are alive right now, cracklingly alive. my neck aches with adrenaline. i take a profoundly deep breath and we spring into action. My friend jumps into the road with a flashlight. I cancel the transaction with AAA as he flags down a giant pick-up truck. the driver casually tows us back out onto the road. It is a quick affair, the whole process. It's almost as if it didn't happen.

Still, driving is now a slightly more harrowing affair. A few foggy miles later I pull over for a second, regrouping and trying to decide whether i should save gas or stay in four wheel drive. the guy in the pick-up truck pulls up and checks on us again. we're fine, i tell him. i'm just letting people pass. i am sitting on the side of the road working up the balls to get home, searching for my faith.

Fuck it, i take the chance.

thank you, angel! i yell out the window before he hops back into his truck. he waves.